Saturday, March 24, 2018

Women victims of emotional blackmail


WOMEN VICTIMS OF EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL.
Indra Krishnamurthy Nooyi, Pepsi CEO, once said how difficult it is for women to manage two fronts –home and office at the same time. She did not mince her words. Priyanka Chopra recently said she is not talking of equality in biological terms but in equality in treatment in office or at home. However, are not women themselves responsible for what and where they are? Women empowerment is not what they need. They need to look inside and figure out how they have allowed themselves to be victim of emotional blackmail and appeasement.  
Motherhood is the greatest gift to women and that is their strength also and the best part is they know it. However, this very gift turns out to be a handicap also. Women are emotional by nature and men know how to cash upon that. Men might use it a ploy to confine them within the household. They get so emotionally charged to believe that they only can raise children. True, men cannot give birth and breast feed a child but that does not mean they cannot raise a child at home. Many are doing it by choice or compulsion. But they will somehow manipulate women who end up in raising children and managing the household throughout their life. This is one of the tools men use to put them in place and not compete with them in the elite job market. This has been going on since ages and women have been lived in make believe world of their own. The strength becomes their weakness.
Another way of blackmailing women is to make them believe that they God’s own creation. As if men were created by Satan. Women are made to believe that beauty and grace is their jagir. All that is beautiful and graceful ends at their feet. For a change they are compared with all that is beautiful by poets and writers but at the same time told that there is nothing more beautiful than woman. Women are made to live in the world of their own where nothing should harm their beauty. No one talks of inner beauty. Beauty lies in physical appearance and women would do anything to look beautiful. Again their strength becomes their weakness. Our TV serials add to the myth by showing women in their best dresses and make up even in sleeping mode. They are always decked in their best dresses, jewels and accessories. Thank God they are not wearing heavy makeup while on duty as a police constable or army sepoy.  Keeping fit and looking presentable is fine but why upgrade their inborn features? But no, they will spend hours before the mirror, spend fortunes spa and try to look different every single day. Men are good at exploiting this weakness and somehow convince them the twists and turns, stresses and pressures, dust and smoke, burning heat and killing chill are conspiring to take away their most precious asset-beauty from them. Once the physical beauty is gone, everything is gone.
The third twist is in spreading the myth that beauty and brain do not sail together. Well if it really happens, it is because they tend to give more attention to their physical features than to their brain cells. Here again they are blackmailed in believing that their place is at home and they need not strain themselves needlessly. As a child they are always told-Paraya Dhan. By the time she is 10, she is reminded what she should do and should not do. She is taught to cook, stitch, knit, and do all house hold chorus. By the time she is 16, it’s time to look for a groom. A good percentage of girls in colleges are there not because their parents want them to do higher education but because they are yet to find a suitable match. The moment they find a suitable match, it’s pack up time from the college.
There are many ills in our society but the way girls are conditioned to believe in their role in society makes them victim of all types of oppression. As grownup, very few try to fight and remain in their make believe world of motherhood and beauty where there is no room for anything else.
Times, however, are changing and women are excelling themselves not only at home but in wild, wild world outside. This only strengthens the point that it was always possible.  

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

THE ALLKNOWING AND ME




THE ALL KNOWING AND ME

Please don’t take me wrong. By all knowing I do not mean the Almighty. I mean a friend of mine who has a knack for raising questions and seeking answers for them. Yesterday night at about 10 p m he arrived without any notice as usual. Well friends need not give notice but then there is some etiquette. I fear him as much as I respect him. Fear, because he can drop-in any time and respect because as I said he is all knowing.
To cut it short, he knocked at the door and called me by name and I had no option but to open the door. Before I could offer him a seat he shot – do you know what is the space between the eyebrows is called? I said I duuno. He said –what is the metallic or plastic end of the shoelaces is called? I said I dunno. He asked –what is cry of a new born is called? I said –cry. He said wrong! He asked what is the dot on an i or a j is called. I said –dot. He said wrong. He asked many such questions and I had no answers. He castigated me for my lack of knowledge even though I call myself an educated person. I offered him a cup of tea in the meanwhile, anyway.
Long back, travelling in a Mini Bus in Kolkata the school girls sitting on the row before me were chatting. One of them said it is not at all necessary to know everything. For example if we want to know the trains between Kolkata and Delhi we can find out from the Railway Time table or enquiry when we go. No use knowing things that we do not or may not need.
She had a point.  It’s better to know what is actually essential. As it is becoming tough to pass the exams, why increase the load?  
But it was different with this all knowing friend of mine. Every time he met me he made feel inferior. There was so much to know and so little I know. I thought enough is enough and I must confront him in one of these days.
He turned up one evening and as usual asked what the oldest language in the world is? For a change it is Tamil but I said Mother tongue. As expected he said wrong. I countered-no, I am right. The oldest language cannot be other than mother tongue. The first mother in this planet talked to her first born in a language that no one knew but the child understood it. It has continued since then. The mother and child speak in a language which is oldest, eternal and universal. How can any other language claim that position?
He has not visited me again since then. Now what is my fault?   

Friday, February 23, 2018

Expensive Weaknesses



EXPENSIVE WEAKNESSES

Humans are a bundle of multiple weaknesses. No one can claim to be free of weaknesses. The worst part is some of these weaknesses are self inflicted. The person concerned becomes a victim or moral and social disorder. And we all know how expensive these two outcomes of weakness are. In addition some of these weaknesses may lead to expensive treatment and even death.

1. Innocent weaknesses:
There ares some innocent weaknesses like being emotionally involved in a movie or a TV serial and start shedding tears as the story demands, like weakness for certain types of foods or drinks, like weakness for certain types of people, like weakness for clothing and so on. Thankfully such weaknesses do not cost much in terms of character or social disorder.


2. Greed:
Greed is normally related to have more. Some want more of wealth and will go to any extent to have it. Since it is not easy to amass huge fortunes with honesty, such people do not hesitate to use dishonest means too. Unfortunately such people do not feel any moral guilt nor society debunks them. On the contrary, the higher they go in their greed, the more they are respected and bestowed with power. Some of our politicians and businessmen are living examples. However, I am sure deep down in their hearts they live with the weakness of character that led them to greed.

3. Addiction:
The person concerned wants to get rid of this, makes promises to himself and others but every time fails to keep them. In the end it is the addiction that represents him. He is nicknamed as drug addict, alcoholic and so on. The treatment is costly, moral degradation immeasurable and social deprivation killing.

Addiction is not limited to substance addiction only. There are compulsive shop lifters, not that they need to but they cannot resist to. There are compulsive lairs. They speak lies to get high. People around such addicts come to know of their weaknesses and exploit to the hilt.

The Censorboard Within



THE CENSOR BOARD WITHIN
Perumal Murugan, the Tamil writer was once interviewed by Barkha Dutt, ex-NDTV. I had never heard of him as I have never heard of many other famous writers. He was hounded by some Hundutwa forces for his novel Madhurobhagan which was translated into English as One Part Woman. He stopped writing for some years and now has penned some poems. He recently said that he continues writing and that is all he can do but has imposed self censorship on him -self.

During the course of the interview he indicated that there is one censor sitting inside him that cautions him to select his words and opinion. He is a great writer and thinker. But he too had to keep his mouth shut for a good time and now he is cautious what to write or say and what not.
 
Does not it sound familiar?  Don’t we have this censor within us that forces us not to say something? Can we name it fear or decency or something else?

The question is here in different words. How often you stopped sort of saying something unpleasant but stopped at the nick of hour because the censor inside stopped you? How often you wanted to cry loudly but the censor inside stopped you? How often you wanted to sing at the top of your voice in a running train or bus or plane but the censor stopped you? How often you wanted to say ‘go to hell’ but the censor stopped you? These are and many other pointers lead to find out who this censor is.

Naming it ‘fear’ seems to be most appropriate. We keep our mouth shut for fear of law or for fear of people more powerful than us like the Government or the police or some high ranking official or some moneyed man who can teach us a lesson for our stupidity. The latest debate about nationality is recent case. 

Naming it ‘decency’ also looks fine. We keep our mouth shut for not to annoy someone dear to us or simply for the sake of decency in our behavior. There is no point annoying or hurting the feelings of others so we keep silent or indifferent even though we feel like saying a spade a spade.

What do you say?

Friday, February 9, 2018


PAIN AND CRIME ARE NOT THAT BAD


BODILY PAIN

Let us first talk about bodily pain. Pain should not be confused with emotional pain. Body pain is generally caused by sickness and sickness is not in our control. Pain is age related too and that too is not in our control. Pain can be caused by accidents and that too is not in our control. The only way we can reduce it by ourselves is by living with it and praying God for mercy. Since it is not in our control, society has arranged for people who can control it.
Now we remember God only when we are in pain or some trouble. This proves without doubt that pain is not that bad.
There is however more practical way of looking at it. Pain is the bread giver to many. When in pain we go to a doctor, get some lab tests done as suggested by him, buy some medicines as prescribed by him and get relief. Thus our pain has given livelihood to doctors, nurses, hospital staff, medicines manufacturers and sellers and millions of supporting people. Pain is not that bad, above all. How can it be when millions of people live on and by it?

CRIME.

Crime has lived with us since the very beginning. It is difficult to define crime or say what constitutes crime but in general it is something done against the law like beating some one, theft, rape, murders, extortion, blackmailing and so on and so forth. Again people who commit crimes are considered bad people by those on whom such crimes are committed. Crime is like dust on our sleeves which needs to be dusted out regularly because it cannot be eliminated altogether.
Crime again is not in our control because the criminals are not in our control and we cannot control people becoming bad. In spite of our best educational efforts we could not stop people becoming bad. We gave the best ‘sanskars’ to our kids but that did not stop some of them going bad ways. Since we cannot control the criminals the thereby the crimes the society has arranged for some who are assigned this job by law. Now we first make a law that rape is a crime and provide for punishment for it and then we make another set of procedures to prove that rape was committed or not committed.
This gave birth first to the law makers called differently legislators (some of them have serious criminal cases against them but that is another issue). Then we appointed the enforcers called police (here again we will not talk about the very morality of a policeman). Then came the lawyers both prosecutors and defenders. Then the jails and jail staff.
Now we come to the mute point of how crime has given employment to lakhs of people. Not only the criminals, the legislators, police, lawyers and many other supporting people survive and make their living on crimes.
Crime therefore is not bad at all.

You may call me names but that is the price every truthful man has to pay.
   
  

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

मीनि नी खाई, त तिताई क्या दीण ।
(गढ़वाली बुज़ुर्गों के लिये ख़ास)


बात पुराणि च पर कुछ बात कभी पुराणि नी हूंदी।

गैणा दाद्दी बहुत सुंदर छे। चेहरा मोहरा कि बात नि छौं करणाई, स्वभाव कि बात च। वन अपर टाइम पर चेहरा मोहरा से बी सुंदर ही रै ह्वेलि। कभी कैक दगड झगड़ा करद नी द्याख , कैताई गाली दींद नी सूण। ज्याद बोल्दी भी नी छे। मेरी याद दास्त क हिसाब से जब मि दसैक सालूक रै ह्वोलु त दाद्दी सत्तर पिचात्तरैकि रै ह्वेली। द्द्दा त कब्येक चल ग्या छे। द्वी बेटी और एक बेटा छे। बेटी त पराया धन हूंदी छन । बेटा, ब्वारी, नाती नतणा सबीछे। पुंगडी पाटलि बी खार्यूं छे। दाद्दीक मैका खांद पींद  परिवार छे ,बल। वे टाइम पर पैसा वाल से मतलब लखपति करोड़पति से नी छे। जैम द्वी चार सौ भी छै त वी भी पैसा वाल ही छे। पुराण लोग बोल्द छे कि दाद्दी ज़ेवरों से लदीं कन ऐ छे। सोनैकि बुलाक, बुंदा, मुरखुल, चाँदी की तगड़ी, पता नी और क्या क्या। दद्दा खेती बाड़ी भी खूब ही छे। कपड़ा, लत्ता, लूण, गुड, तेल, तंबाकू वास्त द्वी मैना कुण कोटद्वार जैकन कुछ कर लींद छे, बस। लडक्यूंक व्यौ बी बढिया  से कर। मीन त कबी द्याख नी पर सुणन मा आंद छे की दाद्दी कमरा मा एक बड़ संदूक छ और सारी ज़ेवर वैक अंदर छन। दाद्दी क कमरा मा कैताई जाणैकि हिम्मत नी छे। जब भी कखी जाँदि त ताल लगाइक ही जांदी छे।

चैतू काका घरम ही रंद छे। पैली मम्मी कुण ब्येई, डैडी या पापा कुण बाबा, ताऊ कुण बाडा, ताई कुण बौडी, चच्चा कुण काका, चाच्ची कुण काकी, बुआ कुण फूफु, बोल्द छ्या। अब त ज़्यादातर अंकल आंटी ह्वा गीन, काम आसान ह्वे ग्या। ख़ैर, खेति बाड़ी गुज़ार लायक ह्वे जांदी छे किलाई कि चैतू काका खेती क तरफ़ ध्यान ही नि
छे। बस हुक्का गुड़गुणाई रौंद छे। द्वी चार फ़सली खेत बेचीक बेटी क व्या कर। दाद्दी बुढ़्या ह्वे ग्या त सारी काम काकी हि करदि छे। गोर गुठ्यार, खेती बाड़ी सब काकी क ज़िम्मा। साथ मा स्कूल जाण वाल द्वी बेटा। दिन भर लगीं रैंदन छे। थोड़ा चिड़चिड़ी भी छे। काम क बोझ माँ क्वी भी चिड चिड़्या जांदु। दाद्दी दगड कम ही पटदि छे। दाद्दी त चुप ही रैंदी छे। संक्षेप मा गुज़ार बसर हूणाई छे।

दाद्दी कुछ बीमार सी रण लग्यां छे। ज़्यादातर कमरा मा ही रैंदी छे। साल छ मैना यनी बीत। बुखार और खाँसी न जाण क नाम ही नी ल्याइ। खाणुक भी कम ह्वे ग्या छे। कमज़ोर ह्वे गे छे। सारी देखभाल काकी क ऊपर। एक उम्मीद छे कि मरण क बाद संदूक म्यार ही च। एक दिन जब दाद्दी भैर जाईं रै त तकिया क तल् बिटीक चाबी निकाल् , तालु ख्वालु, सारी संदूक खंग्वाल पर कुछ नी मील। पुराण कपड़ों से भर्यूं छे। ग़ुस्सा त बहुत आई पर संदूक बंद कर, तालु लगाई और चाबी तकिया क तल् धर द्याइ।

वख दाद्दी जाण वाली और यख काकी कुण रगबगाहट। ज़ेवर छन त छन पर छन कख। दाद्दी ताई बताई भी नी सकदि कि संदूक भी छाँणी आलि। जरूर बुढियाक लुकाइक धरीं छन। बेटि आली और वूं ताई दे देलि। वूंक आण से पैली कुछ करण पडल्। सासु सेवा परम सेवा। काकी न दाद्दी क विश्वास जीतणैकि कोशिश और तेज़ कर द्याई। बीच बीच मा इशारा भी करणाई रै कि कुछ कैकुण बोलुण च या बताण च त बताई द्यावु।

जब लग कि जाणक दिन कब ऐ जा पता नी त साफ बात करण ही ठीक समझ। एक दिन पूछ ही द्या। ए जी वू ज़ेवर कख धरीं छन। मरीं सि आवाज मा दाद्दीन पूछ कु ज़ेवर, ए ब्वारी? जु कुछ छे बुढ्यान बेट्यूंक व्यौ मा लगा दे। बाकी चैतु ज़बरदस्ती ली ग्ये। कुछ नी रै। जब ड्वाला मा लै छे तभी पैरीन । सारी जिंदगी बच्चों ताई बड़ करण मा लगाई। ज़ू मील, जतुक मील वतीक मा समय काट। ब्वारी ! मीनि नी खाई त तिताई क्या दीण।

(आज भी स्थिति वही है। लड़के - बहू बूढ़े मा बाप की संपत्ति पर आँख लगाये बैठे है । देख भाल करना तो दूर, इस ताक मे हैं कि खिसकें तो जमीन- मकान हथियांयें। कुछ तो मार पीट करने से भी नही चूकते। जब तक जिंदगी है, ऐश करो, जो है अपने पास ही रखो। बाद मे जो बचेगा उनका है ही। )

हरि लखेडा।
जनवरी, २०१८
ये बाबा चिठ्ठी भेजणाईं रै वाँ !

गोपाल, माँ बाप क चार बेट्यूंक पैथर एक ही बेटा छै। छै मतलब, कत्ती साल ह्वे गेन क्वी ख़बर सार नी च। भगवान से प्रार्थना च जख भी ह्वा राज़ी ख़ुशी ह्वा। ग्यारहवीं और बारहवीं क्लास मा दगडी पढवां। द्वी गढ़वाली । द्वी मिडिल क्लास परिवार। गोपाल अपर गढ़वाल बिटिन, मी लोवर गढ़वाल। बोली एक। स्कूलम त देशी फुदक छे पर घरम सब गढ़वाली ही बोल्द छे। वनी भी सरा किदवई नगर, सरोजिनी नगर नेताजी नगर, सेवा नगर गढवाल्यून भर्यूं छे। तब उत्तरांचल या उत्तराखंड नी बोल्द छे। बारहवीं क बाद मी त एथर चल ग्यूं पढणकुण और वू सरकारी नौकरी लग ग्ये, एल डी सी। दिल्ली माँ ही रंद छे सो मुलाक़ात हूणाई रैंदी छे। वेक पिताजी भी सरकारी नौकरी करद छे, क्वाटर मिल्यूं छे। रिटायर हूंण पर वु क्वाटर गोपालक नाम ह्वे ग्ये। सब बढ़िया चलणाई छे। व्या भी ह्वे और एक बिटिया भी आइ ग्ये। सरकारी पक्की नौकरी, सरकारी घर, सुंदर सुखी परिवार, बहुत सारे दोस्त। और क्या चायेणाई छे।

पर गोपाल ताई त विदेश जांणै कि धुन सवार छे। हर समय वही बात- यख क्वी भविश्य नी च। सब चोर छन साला। पिताक तरैं जिंदगी एक कमरा क घरम कटी जाली। ईं तनख़्वाह माँ क्या मी खौलु क्या बच्चों ताइ खलोल्। अमरीका कनाडा बिटीक ज़ू भी आंदू क्या ठाट छन वूंक। हज़ार द्वी हज़ार रुप्या त यनि फूँक दीदन। और हम साला एक एक कौड़ी गिणनाई रौंदां। सारी सामान लाला की दुकान बिटीक आंद उधार। भलु ह्वेन वेक जु द्वी टाइम ठीक से परिवार चलणाई च। महीनाक आख़िर जब तनखा मिलद त अध्धा त वखी चल जांद और बाकी मा सारी मैना भुगतान पडद।

कन्नी कैक जुगाड़ लगाइ और एक दिन मौन्टैरियल, कनाडा कुण रवाना भी ह्वे ग्ये। वैक क्वी चचेरा भाई रौंद छै वख। जांद वगद पार्टी सार्टी भी कर। हम सबून खूब मस्ती भी कर। जांणैक टाइम पर सब्यूंक आँख माँ आंशु भी छे। वेक पिता त जांद जांद भी कुछ न कुछ शिक्षा दींणाई रैन पर माँ बस रूणाइ रै और एक ही बात - ये बाबा चिठ्ठी भेजणाईं रै वाँ ! और गोपाल क भी एक ही जबाब- माँ चिंता न कर। द्वीयूं ताई सेवा लगाइक टैक्सी मा बैठी ग्ये। एयर पोर्ट तक सबी ग्यवां। पहुंचणैकी एक चिठ्ठी आई और फिर छै महिनामां दूसरी। वे टाइमपर फ़ोन त छै ना। आज कि तरह न त मोबाइल छे न ह्वाट्सअप न मेसेंजर। पैसा और रसूक वालों क घर पर ही फ़ोन छे। बौडी  चिठ्ठीक इंतज़ार करणै रैंद छे। गोपाल क जाण क बाद क्वाटर भी छुट गे।कुछ दिन किराय पर रैन फिर लड़की क घर म। गोपाल ख़र्चा पाणी कुण भेजणाई रै। कुछ पिता क पेन्सन से काम चल जाँ छे।

द्वी साल बाद आई और घरवाली और बेटी ताई भी ले ग्ये। मानन पडल कि मजामां छै। सेहत भी बढ़िया। हम पर भी दिल खोलिक ख़र्च कर। मज़ा ऐ ग्ये छे। हमन पुछ - अरे गोपाल तु क्या करदी कनाडा मा। गोपालन बताई कि टैक्सी चलांदु। खूब इनकम च। ज़्यादातर रात मा चलांदु। टिप ज्यादा मिलिद। सवारी जतना ज्यादा पियूँ रंद वतना ज्यादा टिप दींद। जतुक मी यख साल मा कमादु छै वख महिना मा कमै लींदु। मतलब कि आराम भले ही कम च पर कमाई खूब च। तब तक पता नी छै कि डालर मा कमाई च त ख़र्च भी डालर मा ही होलू। ख़ैर, पर सब देखीक त ठीक ही लगणाई छे।

जांद बगद पिता भी रुणाई छै और माँ त एक दम चुप। बस यनी ब्वाल- ये बाबा चिठ्ठी भेजणाईं रै वाँ ! और गोपाल- आप लोग चिंता ना करीन। मी आणाईं रौल न। गुड्डि दादी! दादी ! चिल्लाणाई रै पर दादी मुंड पर बस हाथ फेरना रै। बेटा ब्वारी न बूड बुढ़िया ताई सेवा लगाई और चल दीन। एयर पोर्ट तक छोडनोक बस मी ग्यूं। टैक्सी मा ततीक जगह छे। तब तक टिकट लेकर भीतर तक जै सक्यांदू छे। सामान वग़ैरा मा मदद ह्वे जांदी छे। अब त भीतर क्या अग़ल बग़ल मा भी नी झाँकण दींद।

फिर तीन साल तक गोपाल नी आइ। चिठ्ठी भी कम। ख़र्चा पाणी भी बंद। माँ बीमार ह्वे त गोपाल कुण चिठ्ठी भ्याज। एक दिन अचानक माँ चल बसी ग्ये। गोपाल तेरहवीं कुण आई अकेला। हफ़्ता भरकुण। ज्यादा बात नी ह्वे। पता चल कि बेटी स्कूलम च। एक बेटा भी ह्वे ग्ये। काम काज भी ठीक च । ख़र्चा बढ़ ग्ये त टैक्सी १८ घंटा तक चलाण पडद। ए टाइम पर एयरपोर्ट तक जाण नी ह्वे। मेरी भी नौकरी क बोझ छै और समय क भी अभाव। वैन भी क्वी देर नी द्याई।

अब गोपाल क पिता भी बुढे गे छे। बीमार ही रंद छै। जब ज्यादा हूंद छै तब भी बोल्द छै  कि गोपाल ताई नी बताण। ख़ामखां परेशान होलु। एक दिन बहुत तबियत ख़राब ह्वे त लड़कीन हास्पिटल मा भर्ती कर और गोपाल कुण तार कैरि दे। गोपाल हफ़्ता भर बादमां आई तब तक पिता ठीक ह्वेकन घर ऐ ग्ये छे। हफ़्ता भर रै कन वापस चल गे।
छै महिना बाद फिर तबियत ख़राब ह्वे, बचणैकि उम्मीद कम। गोपाल कुण तार कर। हफ़्ता भर बाद आई। बहुत दुखी ह्वेकन ब्वाल वैन- मी भगवान से प्रार्थना करदु कि एटाइम पर पिता जी क स्वर्ग वास ह्वे जाव त प्रसाद चढौलु। एक दिन त जाण ही च। अब बार बार आण नी हूंद। जहाज़ क किराया भी बहुत ह्वे गे। काम क भी नुक़सान।

द्वी दिन बाद सचमुच पिताजी चल बसींन। तेरहवीं करीक गोपाल चल ग्ये। गोपाल जरूरत पड़न पर आई जरूर च। बेटा हूंण क फ़र्ज़ निभाय। ऐ टाइम पर क्वी बोलन वालु नी छै- ये बाबा चिठ्ठी भेजणाईं रै वाँ ! कैन बोलन छे, कैकुण बोलन छे। फिर कभी मुलाक़ात भी नी ह्वे।

हरि लखेडा,
दिसंबर, २०१७.

NB- मेरी कच्ची पक्की गढ़वाली मे है। जिन बंधुओं को गढ़वाली न आती हो, किसी दूसरे से पढ़वा/अनुवाद करवा सकते हैं। कोई जी एस टी नही है।

Universal Language of Love and Hate.

Universal Language of Love and Hate. Sometimes, I wonder, why humans developed languages or even need them? If we look back, we will realize...