Whatever I change I am still left with me.
Let me start with a quote to say that “ in the beginning, as young, I thought I could change the world. Time passed, I got married and I thought let me start with changing my wife. And then some wise man told me that before you change anything, change oneself.”
That is the toughest job I have in hand. I am not talking of outwardly changes, which I could do very easily. I grew mustache, took a few snaps and kept them for posterity. I grew beard, took some snaps and spread them all over the net including in V. I have kept long and short tresses, even gone bald to see how I look and envied at my own appearance. I have had a cowboy hat on my head and VAS lovingly nick-named me ‘Cowboy’. I changed many attires and even wore Khadi. In short changing physical appearance was so easy.
Not only that nature helped me having many avatars as a new born, toddler, teen, youth, elderly and now silvery. It was a process and I take no credit for that except that I tried to stay and look young as long as I could and still do so. It is another matter that a silvery antenna on my head and wrinkles on face reveal the whole plot.
I am not even talking of appearing what I am not. From my post one may wrongly assume I am some Vedic intellectual or some body with some brains but believe me when you meet me you will find that I am none of that. I am so ordinary and feeble who can be easily overlooked. I have however, been successful in projecting what I am not.
I have changed cities, houses, neighbors, friends, acquaintances, jobs , habits, you name them.
What I have not been in a position to change is ME. I am a sum total of envy, hypocrisy, greed, ego, anger and revenge. I could not let them part my company. Or may be they do not want to part company at all. One part of me aspires for sweetness, fairness and equality and the other part, more dominant, wishes the opposite seeking only gains at the expense of others. Ratnakar, later named as Valmiki, thought he was doing all this for his family and rightly so because who else will take responsibility of his family. As a householder it is my job to protect and provide for my family by whatever means, good or bad, possible. I have tried to justify my all wrong doings with this logic.
It is original ME that always keeps me company. I have tried every which way - books, spiritual cravings, rational journeys- but failed to dump ME. I have entered into an agreement with ME and that is - I will not try anymore to change ME and ME will help me keep the façade and not expose me. We both seem to be doing well. Even my shadow, that walks and sleeps with me, is helpless onlooker.
I envy the realized souls or should I say I do not trust them at all. They too are as weak and feeble when put to real test. This give me some gratification at last. I am not alone. But…. A BIG BUT…
Let me start with a quote to say that “ in the beginning, as young, I thought I could change the world. Time passed, I got married and I thought let me start with changing my wife. And then some wise man told me that before you change anything, change oneself.”
That is the toughest job I have in hand. I am not talking of outwardly changes, which I could do very easily. I grew mustache, took a few snaps and kept them for posterity. I grew beard, took some snaps and spread them all over the net including in V. I have kept long and short tresses, even gone bald to see how I look and envied at my own appearance. I have had a cowboy hat on my head and VAS lovingly nick-named me ‘Cowboy’. I changed many attires and even wore Khadi. In short changing physical appearance was so easy.
Not only that nature helped me having many avatars as a new born, toddler, teen, youth, elderly and now silvery. It was a process and I take no credit for that except that I tried to stay and look young as long as I could and still do so. It is another matter that a silvery antenna on my head and wrinkles on face reveal the whole plot.
I am not even talking of appearing what I am not. From my post one may wrongly assume I am some Vedic intellectual or some body with some brains but believe me when you meet me you will find that I am none of that. I am so ordinary and feeble who can be easily overlooked. I have however, been successful in projecting what I am not.
I have changed cities, houses, neighbors, friends, acquaintances, jobs , habits, you name them.
What I have not been in a position to change is ME. I am a sum total of envy, hypocrisy, greed, ego, anger and revenge. I could not let them part my company. Or may be they do not want to part company at all. One part of me aspires for sweetness, fairness and equality and the other part, more dominant, wishes the opposite seeking only gains at the expense of others. Ratnakar, later named as Valmiki, thought he was doing all this for his family and rightly so because who else will take responsibility of his family. As a householder it is my job to protect and provide for my family by whatever means, good or bad, possible. I have tried to justify my all wrong doings with this logic.
It is original ME that always keeps me company. I have tried every which way - books, spiritual cravings, rational journeys- but failed to dump ME. I have entered into an agreement with ME and that is - I will not try anymore to change ME and ME will help me keep the façade and not expose me. We both seem to be doing well. Even my shadow, that walks and sleeps with me, is helpless onlooker.
I envy the realized souls or should I say I do not trust them at all. They too are as weak and feeble when put to real test. This give me some gratification at last. I am not alone. But…. A BIG BUT…
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